This fall, Andria Cole, founder of The Restorative Project and a nationally noted educator and Restorative Practices facilitator, launched a series of Peaceful Parenting Workshop and weekly Circles at Pimlico Elementary / Middle School for its parent community.
She began working with Pimlico in fall 2023 for teacher and staff professional development and expanded to parent training this past September. We talked to her about her philosophy and the impact of her program.
Q: What is Peaceful Parenting?
Peaceful parenting (sometimes called gentle, conscious, or restorative parenting) is parenting rooted in nonviolence, safety, brain science, and compassion. Peaceful parents and caregivers understand that they are the most mature member of the parent-child unit and commit to honoring two fundamental peaceful parenting rules:
Rule #1 – Protect children at all costs.
Rule #2 – Never become a source of threat.
Perfection isn’t required when parenting peacefully, but if the rules are consistently broken, children are at risk for problematic development, health, and mental outcomes. Peaceful parents not only understand the importance of making children feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure (even and especially when they are exhibiting challenging behaviors), they understand the importance of their own needs for safety, authenticity, support, and security.
Everyone in the peacefully parented family is equal, even if they are less mature or capable; and everyone in the family is inherently worthy of love, dignity, sovereignty, empowerment, grace, and respect. But as just and lovely as that sounds, many of us do not center equality, safety, and kindness in our parenting practices. We center obedience and compliance.
Our parenting tools are limited to yelling, hitting, and sending our children away, usually to manage ideas and feelings too big to handle alone. So, I wouldn’t say peaceful parenting is at the core of parent-child relationships, but I would certainly love for it to be.
Q: How did your Peaceful Parenting Workshops originate and why are you partnering with Pimlico Elementary / Middle School?
I have facilitated peaceful parenting workshops for just as long as I have been a Restorative Practices specialist, which will soon be nine years. Back in 2017, I called them “restorative parenting” workshops, though. They served the same purpose—to teach nonviolent parenting practices designed to keep students’ stress levels down and positively contribute to their school experience (and childhoods).
I realized early on that restorative practices were relevant and applicable to the home and that we would actually be undermining any implementation efforts by not also training parents and families. It was common sense, and my belief in the workshops has only been strengthened by my growing understanding of African American multigenerational trauma. Cultivating closeknit, trusting relationships with parents and families is critical to student success. I see the peaceful parenting workshops as one way of forging, maintaining and repairing relationships between communities and institutions.
I recently read a quote that helps explain why I’m partnering with Pimlico Elementary / Middle School. The child behavior expert Bryan Post said, “Fear says: fix it. Love says: create the environment and maintain the relationship to allow it to fix itself.” Principal Nneka Warren, the administrative team, and a good number of Pimlico staff see such value in restorative and social-emotional practices that they implement and embody them, even when I’m not watching.
It can take lots of time and resources to get a school community to the point where they don’t drop the work the moment I walk out the door, only to pick it up again when I return in another week. I know and trust that the Pimlico community is putting my recommendations, protocols, and processes, including the peaceful parenting workshops and circles, into place. In short, they are serious, dependable partners, and they have a leadership team championing the work.
Q: What happens during the Peaceful Parenting Workshops and Circles?
Workshops begin with Connection Before Content. We introduce or reintroduce ourselves and share something personal with the group, usually about how we’re feeling or how parenting has been treating us. Then we ground ourselves in evidence that serves our children and/or our young selves.
Sometimes the evidence isn’t much more than a sentence. “Black children are almost three times less likely than their white peers to receive support when demonstrating signs of mental distress,” for example. The evidence always connects directly to the main workshop topic, which we explore through slides, discussions, and storytelling. Workshop topics so far this year include “Understanding Our Children’s Behavioral Challenges” and “How Parents Shape Who Children Become.”
Peaceful parenting circles allow us to unpack what we learn during the peaceful parenting workshops. Circles are confidential spaces for parents and caregivers to process the intense emotions inherent to parenthood, to benefit from the camaraderie of other caregivers on the parenting journey, to examine with love and honesty their personal generational parenting patterns, to practice new ways of thinking about and being with their children, and to share their own parenting wisdoms. I can’t tell you the details of what we discuss, but we cry a lot and laugh a lot more.
I’d like to give a shout out to Ms. Theresa Braxton, Pimlico’s Community School Coordinator who works in partnership with Pimlico’s community partner, Park Heights Renaissance. In addition to making sure that parents and caregivers know about and attend the peaceful parenting workshops and circles, she also brings such depth and insight to our conversations. Thank you for all that you do.
Q: Describe other aspects of your expertise and research that you bring to this work to help people become more connected parents.
I recently completed an African American multigenerational trauma course with Dr. Joy DeGruy, which changed my work profoundly. I learned so much and am still working to integrate it all, but Dr. Joy emphasized again and again the importance of knowing, understanding, and loving the communities you serve.
I feel well qualified for my roles within the Pimlico community in a professional sense, but without my willingness to understand and love the community, especially in difficult times, I know my impact would be lessened. I think this willingness to understand a person, situation, conflict, or community is fundamental to the work of helping people become more connected parents.
Q: What are your goals for the larger Pimlico community through the Peaceful Parenting Workshops?
I have three goals: to demonstrate the positive effects of peaceful parenting on students, parents, teachers, families, and the larger Pimlico school community; to promote peaceful parenting as a fundamental approach to the interruption of Baltimore’s home and school-to-prison pipelines; and to make positive, meaningful connections with Pimlico families.
For more on The Restorative Project, visit therestorativeproject.net.
Contact Andria Cole at andria@therestorativeproject.net.
